Goblin Victory over Aftermath

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  • Borgus Weems

    Goblin Victory over the City of Aftermath
    as told by Radu Wiggletongue, Goblin Guildmaster and One True King of Aftermath,
    to other goblins

    “So me and Beetrix sneaks into da city right? to do some scoutin and stuff… well we gets dere and the doors are all locked up and nobody’s dere! We go to a big open square wif a roof and start lookin around. So we sees this note… says somethin somethin town guard, i don’t know. Well we fix dat note up good, so’s the Long Shins knows dat da Goblin Guild was there. Well, Beetrix is da muscle right? and I’m da brains, cuz I’m smarter. Well we start sneakin around… well I do. Beetrix is no good at sneakin. She doesn’t even know you gotta say ‘Sneak, Sneak, Sneak,” out loud when you do it so’s dey know you is sneakin! Well we sneak around for a bit, den decide to play some goblin wardrums… so dey can come challenge our claim to da city. We war drum in dat square, we war drum on all de guild halls, we war drum everywhere! And nobody comes out! So’s den, I claim all of da city in da name of Goblindom, dat makes me King of Aftermath. So now all goblins is welcome dere!”

    At this point Radu takes a big breath, because that’s a lot to tell all at once, before continuing.

    “So we start lookin around at our new city, and we finds a squirrely! Well I’m thinkin we should take it’s tail off and make a great hat! But den Beetrix says something pretty smart, she says, let’s tame dis squirrely to work for us! So den she gives dis squirrel a nut… and den it’s tamed! It brings us a rock, and tries to hand it over right? Well no sirree, we’s is goblins and we is smarter den dat. So we tell it that it’s pack squirrely now and it has to carry the stuff. Den we start playin goblin war drums again. So de pack squirrely is good at war drums, so me and Beetrix, we make dat squirrely guildmaster of Goblin Music Guild. Well we take in de sights of our new goblin claimed city for a bit, den we decides to patrol our new forest… so we’s goes down into dese woods. Oh before dat, we see one of dem kobolds… wif a bow and arrer! Now kobolds is not smart like goblins is, but we let him hang around anyways, cuz dem arrers is good for stickin Long Shins. So in de woods, we find all kind of treasure! We finds some spiders… and some webs, and some sticks. And I find a bunch of dem ingredients dat wizards use to make magic, cuz you know, Wiggletongue’s is excellent finders. Den Milly, dat’s are pack squirrely’s name, Millie, it finds some of dat Long Shin firewater in a bottle. So den we decide dat we gots a pretty good haul, and we claimed Aftermath for Goblindom, and den we came home wif ingredients, and spiders and webs, and some Long-Shin firewater. And dat’s how we gots dat city.”

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